I can bring to mind many telephone calls I have had with new clients looking to come into therapy who are experiencing unwanted and distressing sexual thoughts. The total fear around telling me about this. I can also recall many clients who had completed many session with me before they have been able to voice the unwanted sexual thoughts they are experiencing.
I have heard about fears of being reported to the police and being arrested. That they will be judged, are abnormal, something is wrong with them, they feel dirty and disgusting. Many tell me they are worried they are a paedophile and unsafe to be around children. Be that their own children, children in the wider family and community. Every client I have worked with about unwanted sexual thoughts feels intense shame and embarrassment. They usually fear rejection by friends, family and spouses/partners.
If you are reading this because this is you I want to reassure you that this is not uncommon at all. It is pretty difficult to give an accurate percentage of how many people with OCD experience these types of thoughts. My guess for the reason for this is that many will not come forward for help as they are too scared. Studies suggest between 6-24%. I would think, and it is my personal opinion, the number is much higher.
What I would say to you is this. An actual paedophile would not feel the horror, anxiety, fear and disgust around these thoughts that you are. For an actual paedophile, these thought would bring pleasure. Some of my OCD clients have described feeling arousal from these thoughts which makes them fear they are a paedophile. There are several reasons you may experience this. But none of them are about you being a paedophile. Another common theme that comes up in OCD clients is the idea that merely having the thoughts makes them a paedophile. This is also not true and I can talk to you about this. My OCD clients describe that these thoughts are totally in opposition with who they are as a person and that it is does not fit with their value system at all. A real paedophile will relish the thoughts, plan out how they may act them out and not feel that they are doing anything wrong.
Even reading the word paedophile is probably making you feel uncomfortable and wanting to come away from this page? I hope that you can start to see the difference between unwanted sexual thoughts in OCD compared to an actual paedophile ?
What Are Unwanted Sexual Thoughts in OCD?
People with OCD experience intrusive thoughts—unwanted and distressing images, urges, or ideas that repeatedly enter their minds. When these thoughts involve sexual content, they can be particularly upsetting. Some common themes include:
Fear of acting inappropriately or immorally
Worries about one’s sexual orientation or identity
Unwanted thoughts about loved ones, children, or authority figures
Concerns about past behaviours and whether they were inappropriate
To name but a few. It’s important to emphasise that having these thoughts does not mean you want to act on them. Instead, they are intrusive and inconsistent with your values (or what is important to you), which is why they cause so much distress. The brain throws out thoughts all the time. A bit like a reverse google! You do not go looking for the thoughts, like a google brain search. Instead they just pop in there. This happens for every human, whether they have OCD or not. What seems to happen in OCD is that people are not as good as filtering them out as 'spam' as people who do not have OCD. The good news is that you can learn to filter them out, with some help.
Why Do These Thoughts Occur?
OCD is driven by uncertainty and the brain’s attempt to resolve that uncertainty. Unwanted sexual thoughts may arise due to:
The brain’s natural ability to generate random thoughts
An exaggerated sense of responsibility or morality
The need for absolute certainty about one’s identity and values
Unfortunately, the more a person tries to suppress or avoid these thoughts, the stronger they often become. A bit like trying to push a beachball under the water, both thoughts and the ball keep coming back.
How OCD Makes It Worse
OCD pretends to be your friend. It tells you that if you do what it says, it will take away the anxiety you are feeling in response to these thoughts. So you buy into doing the compulsions because, temporarily the anxiety does go down. But it is temporary and returns resulting in more compulsions.
Compulsions include:
Seeking reassurance from others
Analysing past interactions for evidence of wrongdoing
Avoiding people or situations that trigger distress
Performing mental checks to determine whether you are aroused
And so the cycle goes on and on.
Treatment for Unwanted Sexual Thoughts in OCD
The good news is that unwanted sexual thoughts in OCD are treatable. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) including Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is the gold standard for OCD treatment. ERP helps you gradually face your fears without engaging in compulsions, reducing the power of intrusive thoughts, in essence.
Additional approaches may include:
Cognitive Restructuring: Learning to challenge distorted beliefs about thoughts and their meaning
Mindfulness and Acceptance Strategies: Recognizing thoughts as passing mental events rather than threats
Medication: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can help manage OCD symptoms in some cases and can help alongside therapy.
Seeking therapy for OCD
If you’re struggling with unwanted sexual thoughts in OCD, you are not alone, and help is available.
I specialise in working with OCD can provide you with the tools to manage these intrusive thoughts and help you learn how to manage your OCD.
Telephone : 07754 368541
email: mail@janewatkinscbt.co.uk
or use my contact form, here
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